Busy signal

One of those soon-to-be anachronisms: the busy signal. I remember when someone would accidentally knock a receiver off the hook or just not put it on squarely in the cradle. That loud, penetrating noise would fill the house and people would shout to get it turned off. It was obnoxiously loud in a time and place when such beeps were not yet part of our everyday life. I also remember the ritual for cutting ourselves off from the outside world. When we wanted no disturbance, and I really can't remember why that might have been, the receiver was taken off the hook and put under a pillow until the busy signal ceased.

There might even be people reading this blog who have never encountered the busy signal. I don't even think cell phones can produce such a loud and invasive sound, but possibly that is my memory when electronic noises did not intrude as they do today. I write this post in front of my computer as it whirs and the voice of my baby carries to me over the wireless connection of the monitor. At least there are many birds outside adding to my soundscape.

Today, however, there seemed to be a busy signal running through my brain. I am waiting to hear from the jobs for which I have interviewed. Do they want me? That vulnerable thought has pulsed through my brain stealing my focus and completely distracting me from work that I need to do when Rose is down for naps and now for a night of sleep. Well, she is not down yet, but she is in her crib happily ehhing and burbling away. She'll nod off soon.

Do they want me?

So I'll eat some junk food, watch some movie, and eventually try to take notes on student work.

Do they want me?

I am not good at this part of the process. I'll try to find some mental and emotional pillow to stuff over me while the busy signal continues.