Ragged Edge of Silence: Chapter Three

I am making slow work of The Ragged Edge of Silence. Today I read chapter three, "Life in a Journal." John Francis, the author, was inspired early in life to start keeping journals by a dentist who became his mentor. I have on occasion tried to keep a journal, but until I started blogging, I never sustained it. I kept this blog regularly for a year and am now keeping my dadding one going. Like Francis, I have found my journal is a "gateway to the unconscious and to inner life." I often find that I discover meaning as the words unfold on the screen before me.

However, it is how he used his journal to interact with others that made me restart reading this book and try to follow the lessons he provided. He would take his journal to town and listen to the compliments and criticisms, and because he had chosen to not speak, he realized he was truly listening to others for the first time in his life. He was not listening to form an argument. He was not listening to interrupt, He was just listening, and in doing so he was hearing people fully. This passage struck me deeply. I have often not listened well to people, and it is something with which I continue to struggle. It was this passage that resonated with a truth I needed to hear and had been spoken to me before in ways I couldn't hear quite as well. I am glad I have read it again, and I have now copied that section and posted it above my computer screen so I can see it regularly.

Of Birthdays and Bread

Rose turns four on Tuesday, so her party was today. Huge crowd. Here are some pics.

Cutting the cake to very eager onlookers. This is Rose's first official birthday cake. Last year it was muffins. Reena made the cake, and we made the frosting and decorated it together. Rose enjoyed it.

Also, Reuben has started to fuss extremely at meals. It turns out he wants to hold the food and take bites. He still takes too big bites, but understanding will come in time.

The Kids

We are wearing sun hats these days because we are going out in the sun!

The Ragged Edge of Silence: Chapter Two.

In January, I posted about a book I started to read a while ago and to which I wanted to return. The Ragged Edge of Silence has sat from that time on top of the shelf in the living room. I see it and want to get back to it, but I have not. As I continue to try to focus on what are my main priorities, this becomes an unacceptable state. I know there is something in this book for me; thus I must take it up again.

Chapter two chronicles John Francis' decision to be silent more than a day, more than a week, and finally to his next birthday. He also walks 30 miles to present his art and his silence to a friend's class at Sonoma State College. One of the most interesting things in this chapter, to me, is peoples' reactions to his decision to be silent and how some of these reactions change over time. In his decision to extend his silence, Francis frames it as an experiment to feel more at ease and to make others more at ease with this change, but he also touches on how being silent did not still the conversations in his head but made them even more present while creating a sense of an altered state.

The exercise in chapter two relates to his two day walk to get to Sonoma State to present. On this walk, he was rewarded with new vistas and the feel of air on his skin. The objective is, "Discovering yourself in your body, as an extension in the environment where we live."

This is especially interesting to me right now having just returned from St. Louis which is surprisingly similar in temperature right now; both Boston and St. Louis are unseasonably warm.

In St. Louis I took many walks, I breathed in the air, reveled in the glorious redbuds, magnolias, and other signs of full-on spring. Upon my return, I was surprised by the magnolias here in their early prime. They often get short changed by frost or heat.

The birds, too, are different. I awoke each day in St. Louis to the amazing dawn chorus. This morning, there were monotone chirps at first light. It was incredible how the melodies of the St. Louis birds reached inside me and calmed my spirit.

Today in Boston, it is warm. I went outside, with a monitor set on silent to keep an eye on the sleeping Reuben, and extended my senses. The earth is warm and beckons me to work in it. I feel it as though the barrier of my skin is just an idea. The light breeze blows just right, temperature and force, that it too passes through me. This is the time of year I am most alive, most connected to the natural environment. I don't feel too connected to the trucks bumping over the raised crosswalk or the inharmonious recorder lessons going on in the school across the street. Yet on a day like this, those things are reside only on the surface and disappear easily.

Thinking more on this, though, I realize that it is just being outdoors that brings my senses on line. A few years ago, Reena and I dovetailed our work schedules, and I could walk to work and then take Rose home in a stroller several days a week. This hour-long walk happened in all seasons, and I acquired gear to keep her and me comfortable in any type of weather. It was a wondrous element of that year. I didn't just see the seasons change, I walked though them. I saw the very early signs of spring emerging from the snowy landscape amidst the gray drizzle. I saw the fleeting shapes of ice carved by running water, I saw the leaves turn and fall and crumble slowly to earth, I saw the slow rise and fall of the Earth's lungs for one cycle in ways I had not before. And when in her grasp, I felt most at peace--rain, fog, snow, sun, mud, whatever the day brought.

City Museum

Caps for Sale

Reuben enjoyed carrying Grandad's hat around on his head today.

St. Louis trip- Thursday

We got up at 5:15, got out the door by 5:45, and made the airport easily in time to add Reuben as a lap child at the ticket counter and get through security with time to spare for a bagel at Dunkin Donuts. On the plane, Rose mostly listened to tunes while Reuben mostly modulated between whimpering and screaming. Luckily the plane was only half full, and most of that half was sitting in the other half of the plane. We were near the back next to a very nice father who helped with the bags and a student who is working with toddlers in her education program. They, and the flight crew, were charmed with Rose.

Reuben, doing his best pale man from Pan's Labyrinth imitation, was another story. His teething was really difficult, and he did not rest. Instead he vocalized and squirmed most of the flight. The surrounding people were very tolerant. Amazingly, the one time I took him to the lavatory, he was very calm. Usually airplane lavatories wig him out.

Upon arrival, Rose greeted her grandma with her usual and effusive, "Grandma, Grandma, Grandma," as she ran from security to the waiting arms for a hug. People around chuckled and smiled. Reuben fell asleep in the stroller while I worked to install the new car seat for him. He transferred to it and stayed asleep.

St. Louis is significantly warmer and further along in the spring season than Boston. Upon arriving home, we immediately put on shorts, or in Reuben's case shed everything but the short-sleaved onesy.

There was no continuing the nap for Reuben, and Rose was pushing boundaries to see what she could get away with. Pooping in the potty instead of the toilet, using impolite language--these may seem trivial to others, but they have been major work in our house. With the volume increasing and the boundaries pushing, I opted for my walk in the Loop. Grandma will love them and not have any of the triggers I have. She also hasn't been cooped up with a screaming Reuben for three hours.

The Loop. It is one of the core elements of what I call home. There are some establishments that have been there since I was a kid, many new ones, and significant change over time. What was once a scary place for visitors and admittedly a pretty shady area has now become one of the nation's hottest streets. In the process it lost some of its charm as well as some of its violence. More on Loop history.

At the top of my street, the University City City Hall, the former Women's Magazine headquarters, is one of the most prominent landmarks in my mental geography. Here it is framed by blossoming trees.

Next to the city hall is the library. This was my second home growing up. The children's section still has the reading bathtub and the same tables at which I sat as a child. On my walk down memory lane, these two buildings along with the adjacent elementary school are still the most powerful. Each time I visit, they evoke memories I forgot I had.

My former elementary school, Delmar-Harvard, is now closed. The playground is dismantled, and there is a fence posted, "No Trespassing." One lone jungle gym stands, painted in rainbow hues after I left. The many play structures of my day were torn down for parking for the adjacent police department or replaced by newer pre-fab structures. The huge railroad tie structures designed and built by parents when I was there are ghosts in a generation's memory.

The Ward building, at one point the University City Senior High and then part of Delmar-Harvard was turned into apartments and space for Washington University Art Department. I wonder what will become of the Delmar and Harvard buildings. Anyone who went there, do you remember the tunnel?

I have posted before about the many places I love in the Loop. I was even there to see the destruction of the Cricket Walk entrance which has now been replaced by a slightly eerie sculpture of Chuck Berry.




One of the things I love about this area are all the architectural details that give it character.

Rose Triumphant

Today, I took Rose and Reuben to a nearby playground. After some time on the swings and stomping around the young children's area, I took Rose over to the bigger kid play structure. While Reuben sat in the stroller, I taught Rose, who approaches new playground equipment with trepidation, how to cross a rope and wood suspension bridge. At first I held her hand as she crawled along. Then we worked on walking much of the length of the bridge. At its end, there was a slide that she also went very slowly down, first in my lap and then on her own. Finally, after about ten times, she was able to walk with much more confidence across the bridge and slide the full length of the slide. Another productive day in the fathering realm.

Spring has spung!

I took Reuben for a very long walk today. We visited the hardware store to get a wind chain for the front screen door. It has bent the rod in the door closer when the wind catches the door and swings it way past its normal open position. The wind chain is a combo spring and chain. Hope it helps. We also got some other door hardware to do some repairs.

We then walked to Harvard Square stopping in several shops along the way. I have been needing to replace/supplement my one light weight pull over that I wear a significant amount of the time. I finally found something decent at EMS today. Still not fully satisfied. I may have to take a stab at making what I want.

Our last stop was the playground next to the school near our house. There is a section for very young kids. Reuben got a kick out of the steering wheel.

Cute Kids!

Whether toddling around the bedroom, bouncing on a ball at school, or just having fun with a box, there are moments of joy in the kids' lives.

Old photos from email

This is from last winter, I think. I just went through all of my old email. I saved photos and trashed or archived most of the rest. Spring cleaning.

Lots of doing

This evening, after a day of periodic meltdowns, Rose and I went around the house fixing things and doing chores. We made bread, we fixed both gates leading out of the dining room, and we fixed both her bed and Reuben's crib. She loved using the channel lock pliers and the hex wrenches to repair the house. She also loved taking them out from their places in the tool box in the closet and from the basement. She did most of the measuring and pouring of ingredients into the breadmaker pan. I assisted on the molasses fearing a mess that would be near impossible to clean up.

Farm Visit

One of Rose's favorite activities at the farm is climbing rocks. She gets such joy at reaching the top, and her excitement as each new one comes in view, a new challenge to tackle, is engaging. Of course, there are animals, too. A new crop of kids were fun to watch as they bounced around the enclosure looking for their mamas and just about anything to try to eat.

Playdate

Rose, Reuben, and I visited with Liv after school today. What had been a very chilly morning turned into a fairly nice day, so I walked down to Newtowne with Reuben in the double stroller. We met up with Liv, her mother, and her little sister. With our stroller seats facing forward and theirs facing back, the two girls started talking on the way to their house, and the conversation never ended until we left much later in the afternoon. They had a great time with pretend play, music making, and many craft projects. Great thanks to Laura for hosting us and providing a stream of activities for the girls.

Amazingly Reuben, who has had difficulty sleeping with his teeth hurting, zonked out and slept through some pretty raucous play.

Yay to growing friendships, play, and just being in another space.

The Long Walk Home

 More about the walk on my post in Dadding Ideas, but here is a pic of Rose walking along a fence. She really enjoyed balancing on curbs, walls, and fences during the walk.

 

Harvard Museum of Natural History

 This morning, Rose and I went to the Harvard Museum on Natural History. Sundays are free in the morning. The museum reminds me of the Natural History museum at Oak Knoll Park that we used to go to when I was a kid. Lots of fossils and stuffed animals. Rose was a little overwhelmed by it all, but she did enjoy it and shared lots of stories with Reena when we got back home. Of course, the bus ride there and back was part of the trip.

Here is Rose next to a large crystal.

 The museum houses a large collection of glass flowers. They are amazingly lifelike.

Rose in front of a large plesiosaur.

 Moose!

Who taught him this game?

Bread Time

Today we baked bread from the dough we made yesterday.


Flouring the dough.

Putting cornmeal on the pizza peel.


Making the loaf

Towering Achievements

Reuben has just started building with blocks. Development every day!

Random images from the last few weeks

The cart in front of me out of which the couple was performing an intricate scanning and bagging that left me to believe that most of the items were not being purchased.
The sign above the cart which claims that this is an express lane and that only 15 or fewer items should be purchased. Hmm. Perhaps they only purchased 15 of the items in their cart!


I rode the new elevator at Harvard Square! Yay. I doesn't smell like urine, yet. It is bigger, and it moves faster than a sloth with a hangover.
First real snow coats the top of the evergreen out of the window.

First snow

A light dusting a few fat ago.

Ragged Edge of Silence: Chapter 1

I am reading The Ragged Edge of Silence: finding peace in a noisy world by John Francis. Each chapter has an exercise, so I will chronicle my responses here.

Chapter 1: Beginning

Exercise in listening to sounds

I am sitting in my dining room with one window cracked barely open to let in sound. Rain and cold also vie for entry into the house, and I can feel a cool, damp New England winter's breeze at my chair. I welcome the fresh air and the moisture. I will turn off the constant hum of the humidifier that battles with the forced air heating to keep our living space livable.

The most prominent sounds are the rain pattering against the windows and siding of the house and the regular whoosh of tires on wet pavement. An occasional bus hums by on Mass Ave, a few blocks away.

The wind chimes on the back porch ring, bell-like, in the wind. They rise and fall from clear to faint. And the wind gusts blowing across the window screens and through the mostly bare branches of the trees. It follows the contours of roofs and sighs at their sharp angles.

Running water in the gutters and on the pavement now appears in a traffic lull. It is almost the sound of a stream in the forest bubbling over rocks.

Now, faintly, a train in the distance adds a rumble to the assembled sounds, and a siren fades in and out.

A lone horn calls out in the distance, a driver letting others know of their misdeeds.

And the siren continues to hover in the background with the hum of distant traffic. The hum pulses. Perhaps the gusts of wind bring sound in even intervals or the beating of my own heart opens and closes my ears.  

Barbapapa

I looked online to see how much Barbapapa books would be. Shockingly, they range from 20-100 bucks! I loved those books when I was a kid, but replacing them is not in the budget.

Rose meets Zeus

This was outside a local store tonight.

New Books!

Books are a constant in this house, and our recent trip to St. Louis and Seattle infused our house with some new ones. Rose is currently sitting on the toilet reading The Family Book that Gwen gave us. Rose is adding much more detail than the story has, creating her own story for each page and building on each type of family represented.

Kids, what kids?

Haven't posted pics of the kids for a while:

Rose and Hazel playing in the "boat."
Reuben is in the stage of putting everything in his mouth.

Flying Home

This is the Rockies from the plane window. The snow-capped mountains were picking up sunset's colors.
Ah, Boston skyline as seen through an iPhone camera!

Seattle to San Fran and then on to Boston. The first leg was ok, but the next was one of those times that expands my understanding of the word patience. Beautiful scenery as we passed over the mountains, though.